I'm in love with him.
I have been since the moment I saw him walk through that door on the first day of school, at a new school may I add. He made my stomach flip into one bazillion summer salts pretty sure thats not how you even spell that. anyways, I knew that he was gonna have a big part in the next chapter of my life. And I now know that he thought the same thing the second that he saw me:) how? he reminded me everyday for seven months:) the best seven months of my life.
WAIT!
I'm getting ahead of myself. When I met him he had a girl friend and I figured the most we would ever be was best friends. Which was hard but I accepted it for what it was because all I wanted was for him to be happy. And he was happy with the girl he was with and I never wanted to take that away from him. I found someone else and I was happy with him but I always found myself thinking about this first day of school boy. Let's call him Cannon:) I couln't stop day dreaming about Cannon in class, having him the Star of my dreams night after night, being the reason I got ready every day, and all of the other cheesy stuff girls feel when falling in love. So as you may have guessed, I called it off with this other boy, waited around a month, was sitting at lunch one day and Cannon walked up to me with the biggest smile on that cute face of his and told me that him and his girlfriend had broken up and with in about three weeks me and Cannon were together. At first it was hard because I could tell he still had feelings for his ex and it broke my heart cause I felt like I would never be as up there in his mind as she was. But time went on and me and Cannon slowly but surely fell in love with each other. Some people disagreed with it and girls were jealous, but thats what happens when prince charming is in love with you and proudly shows it to the rest of the world. Everyone could tell how we felt about each other. A second didn't go by when I was with him that I didn't have the biggest smile on my face. He made me laugh in a way that no one else could. I was the happiest girl in the world. I would come home from dance with messages on my phone saying "Tiff, I love you:) never forget that I will always be faithful to you and I will never hurt you:)" and "I'm in love with you Tiffany:) where would I be without you?:) you are my greatest gift from God:) you are the reason I love:) I think about you every second of every day and I dream of holding you every night:) I love you:) I will hold you forever;) forever and always:)" I wrote every single one down. He was straight out of a nicholas sparks book. It couldn't have gotten any better. At least that's what I thought and then one day he decided to grant me with my first kiss. I couldn't have been happier. I didn't want to share something like that with anyone else but him. He made me happy and I truly believed that we were in love. I asked him sometimes if he had said the same things to other past girlfriends but he always said that he would never because he had never felt the same about anyone else in his life. That I was it. It was exactly what I wanted to hear and he knew it. This happy romance that we had with the most precious of kisses exchanged lasted for months and I truly believed that this was how I was going to spend the rest of my life. And I couldn't have been happier with it. It was so easy and flowed like a fairy tale.
But this story doesn't end the way I would have wanted. Summer came and the first month was absolutely amazing. But once july came around that was the dreaded month. We both knew it was coming but neither of us wanted it to. I had to leave. I was gone for the entire month. We both believed that with as strong of a love that we had for each other we would get through and august would come and we'd go on loving. But things don't always go as planned. While I was gone, I forgot what it felt like to have him by my side loving me. And I thought that I wasn't in love with him anymore. It broke my heart, but I told him because I felt like he deserved to know. I didn't text him that thinking that a break up would come out of it, but it did. And I was heart broken, but he was too. And that was the worst part. I had broken the love of my life's heart. He wanted me back and he clearly let me know, but i still wasn't home and I didn't realize how I really felt about him so I turned him down. A countless number of times. When I got home, of course we played, he was still my best friend and we wanted each other in our lives but we didn't realize just how hard that would be. Because like the old saying says, "It's easier to turn friendship into love than it is to turn love into friendship" there is so much truth to that. We decided that we would wait till high school to get back together but that was always the plan, to get back together, (at least it was mine, but he had other things in mind) I thought that he would always be there and I could just go on as I pleased, and once I wanted him back he would be there with open arms, but oh how I was wrong.
High school came around and he found a new girl. A girl with the cutest personality, the most beautiful smile, blonde hair, and such a strong spirit. Everything I knew he wanted. I was heart broken and I couldn't do a thing about it because I broke his heart first. I felt a lot of resentment towards this girl and him because they ruined this beautiful picture that I had painted in my head for our future. I still couldn't do anything. It was my fault and I knew it. We stopped talking, it was to hard when I knew that he had another girl floating around in his head as well. But he was happy and that was all i wanted. For a while I didn't even consider him an acquaintance let a lone a friend. But the new girl was so freaking cute and nice that I started/ do like her. A LOT. isn't that the worst when you adore someone you wish you didn't? Anyways, we've started talking.. kind of. And he still tells me I'm beautiful but not in the same way. I miss him like crazy. He's different. Completely different than he was when we were together. I miss the sweet Cannon that was always there for me and willing to love everyone no matter what. But he isn't here anymore and I just have to deal with it. I can honestly say that I'm over him and I don't want him back. But, I am more than grateful for everything that he taught me and for the person that he made me become. I love him and I always will.
Wether we like it or not, We all have our hearts broken at one point. But the real struggle is how you learn to deal with it. Even when it's hard, smile, laugh and still love. My young women's leader once told me your boyfriend may get married to someone else, but your husband won't. SO much truth to that. Even here when he's obviously not getting married hahah, even though he may not be the one for meI wouldn't be opposed if he was, someone else out there is. So just go on living and never forget to smile because you determine your own happiness.
Love Tiffany Sally
But this story doesn't end the way I would have wanted. Summer came and the first month was absolutely amazing. But once july came around that was the dreaded month. We both knew it was coming but neither of us wanted it to. I had to leave. I was gone for the entire month. We both believed that with as strong of a love that we had for each other we would get through and august would come and we'd go on loving. But things don't always go as planned. While I was gone, I forgot what it felt like to have him by my side loving me. And I thought that I wasn't in love with him anymore. It broke my heart, but I told him because I felt like he deserved to know. I didn't text him that thinking that a break up would come out of it, but it did. And I was heart broken, but he was too. And that was the worst part. I had broken the love of my life's heart. He wanted me back and he clearly let me know, but i still wasn't home and I didn't realize how I really felt about him so I turned him down. A countless number of times. When I got home, of course we played, he was still my best friend and we wanted each other in our lives but we didn't realize just how hard that would be. Because like the old saying says, "It's easier to turn friendship into love than it is to turn love into friendship" there is so much truth to that. We decided that we would wait till high school to get back together but that was always the plan, to get back together, (at least it was mine, but he had other things in mind) I thought that he would always be there and I could just go on as I pleased, and once I wanted him back he would be there with open arms, but oh how I was wrong.
High school came around and he found a new girl. A girl with the cutest personality, the most beautiful smile, blonde hair, and such a strong spirit. Everything I knew he wanted. I was heart broken and I couldn't do a thing about it because I broke his heart first. I felt a lot of resentment towards this girl and him because they ruined this beautiful picture that I had painted in my head for our future. I still couldn't do anything. It was my fault and I knew it. We stopped talking, it was to hard when I knew that he had another girl floating around in his head as well. But he was happy and that was all i wanted. For a while I didn't even consider him an acquaintance let a lone a friend. But the new girl was so freaking cute and nice that I started/ do like her. A LOT. isn't that the worst when you adore someone you wish you didn't? Anyways, we've started talking.. kind of. And he still tells me I'm beautiful but not in the same way. I miss him like crazy. He's different. Completely different than he was when we were together. I miss the sweet Cannon that was always there for me and willing to love everyone no matter what. But he isn't here anymore and I just have to deal with it. I can honestly say that I'm over him and I don't want him back. But, I am more than grateful for everything that he taught me and for the person that he made me become. I love him and I always will.
Wether we like it or not, We all have our hearts broken at one point. But the real struggle is how you learn to deal with it. Even when it's hard, smile, laugh and still love. My young women's leader once told me your boyfriend may get married to someone else, but your husband won't. SO much truth to that. Even here when he's obviously not getting married hahah, even though he may not be the one for me
Love Tiffany Sally
Love yourself first always.
ReplyDeleteI love you so much doll!